Guest Post: The Wedding List: A Modern Taboo?

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The wedding list is something of a contentious subject in modern wedding planning. With many traditional wedding customs in decline in the face of changing social and cultural norms, it can be hard to decide where to stand on the matter. Here we outline a few different positions in the great wedding list debate, along with some ideas on how to carry them out.

Changing social attitudes have taken their toll on the significance of the wedding list. With many more couples opting to live together before getting married, many of the ‘traditional’ wedding list items – washing machines, cutlery, kitchen implements – aren’t needed in the same way as they once were. Coming from this modern view, some guests may actually be surprised when they are invited to a more traditional wedding and are faced with requests for an oak sideboard or a Kenwood blender.

Some couples are opposed to the concept of a gift list. This may be for various reasons: the more ascetic among us may feel that the expense on their guests’ parts is needless; whilst Tanya Gold’s infamous Guardian article positions the wedding list as a transparent money-grabbing scheme. Whilst the majority of us will not fall into these two categories, there are many valid reasons for not wanting a wedding list. A popular alternative option is to request that your guests make a donation to charity; if you go down this route make sure to specify which specific charity, and pick a cause all your guests will be able to relate to.

Another option is to request money instead, allowing you to save it for a rainy day or put it towards a first house, and not restricting the purchases to specific items. The etiquette around asking cash as a wedding gift is complicated, however, as some guests may view it as a request for them to contribute towards your living expenses or the cost of the wedding. Consider your guests carefully before making this choice: younger friends may not see it as problematic at all, but older relatives may find it tasteless. If you decide to opt for cash, tread carefully and politely justify your choice in your wedding invitation.

If you and your partner have been living together for some time, a good wedding list structure can be the ‘upgrade’ option, putting premium items on your list to replace your older, cheaper versions of the same thing. This can serve as a happy compromise between a traditional comprehensive ‘cups to cupboards’ list, and the trickier-to-execute request for cash: here it is usually evident what the list intends to achieve, and some guests may be happy to split the cost of larger items between one another, or even contribute some money after all.

Photo courtesy of weddingpaperdivas.com.


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